Recipe thirteen: Big Bud's Beer Can Chicken
So, it’s Thanksgiving and I says to myself, I says, “Why cook a turkey, when I can cook a chicken whose corpse I’ve just sodomized with canned alcohol?” BETTER YET, a chicken with bacon strips spilling from its gaping headhole. BETTER YET, a chicken that sprang forth from the twisted mind of Guy Fieri. What better way to celebrate a beloved national holiday than to gorge...
Recipe twelve: Cajun Chicken Alfredo (NYT Review...
It’s been a terrible week to be a Guy Fieri. First, he spends Monday and Tuesday generously donating fifty-percent of his Times Square restaurant’s profits to the Red Cross, which, granted, he erroneously believed was a motorcycle gang. Then, on Tuesday afternoon, New York Times critic (cri-dick, is more like it) Pete Wells comes along and so rudely reveals to everyone that Guy’s...
Recipe eleven: Rojo Onion Rings
You know what’s a real hassle? Besides having segments of your beard meticulously bleached on a bi-weekly basis? DIPPING FOOD IN CONDIMENTS. UGH. Picking up french fry after french fry, hefting each over to a puddle of Hidden Valley Ranch, then bringing the deep-fat-fried and white-fat-drenched crinkle-cut piece of potato all the way up to your mouth. BUT WHAT’S THE SOLUTION? An air...
Recipe ten: Pork-Oulet
If you’re like me and most other good Americans who still think references to the early aughts are funny, you don’t trust things that are overtly French. This includes most art, many wines, several million people, and myriad food items. Haricot vert? Surely you mean green beans. (I’m with this guy, my new favorite guy — Fieri notwithstanding.) Cassoulet? A stew so...
Extra-special 1990s bonus recipe: Smash Mouth Reds
Hi there. If you could make just one wish, what would it be? G’head, take a sec. But, seriously, I don’t have all day. OK, now that you’ve had plenty of time to think about it, you inevitably decided that the one thing you want more than anything else in the world is a book of recipes crafted by Smash Mouth lead singer Steve Harwell. YOUR WISH IS GRANTED. What’s a...
Recipe nine: Ginger Pork Potstickers
You know, I love anthropomorphized animals as much as the next guy. Have you SEEN “Beverly Hills Chihuahua?” Well, neither have I and don’t you fucking dare tell anyone I have. “Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3” was pretty funny, though. And it’s out on video now! (This post is sponsored by Mexican stereotypes, George Lopez, and Mexican stereotypes perpetuated by...
Recipe eight: Chicago Italian Beef Sandwich
You know what really whets my wet sandwich appetite? WET SANDWICH ANECDOTES. The story of Guy’s first encounter with a gravy-drenched Italian Beef Sandwich goes something like this … He was in an airport in Chicago and found an Italian beef stand. The guy at the counter noticed Guy’s last name on his credit card and gave him a hard time because he’s of Italian descent, but...
Recipe seven: Red Rocker Margarita Chicken...
Last year, a former “Diners, Drive-ins and Dives” producer accused Guy Fieri of being a gross pig who hates gay people and requires advanced notice if he’s going to have to interact with them on his program. Reasons to believe this is true: Just look at the guy. Reasons to believe this is not true: Just look at the guy. He wears more accessories than Charles Nelson Reilly...
Recipe six: Tex Wasabi's Koi Fish Tacos
Oh, hi. OK. I know what you’re thinking: Who is a Tex Wasabi? Why do fish tacos belong to him? And why would I want to eat them. These are questions that have more than one answer. Come with me … According to this illustration from “Cookin’ It. Livin’ It. Lovin’ It,” Tex Wasabi is a version of the intense, mustachioed cowboy from the Village People,...
Happy 100th Birthday, Julia Child's ghost!
Without you, Julia, we wouldn’t have the iconic blog the Julie/Julia Project. Without the Julie/Julia Project, we wouldn’t have the Gwynedd & Guy Project. Without the Gwynedd & Guy project life would be exactly the same for everyone. Except you wouldn’t be very close to watching this video of Guy Fieri eating in reverse.
Recipe five: "I've got the need for fried cheese"
Guy Fieri, you sonofabitch, you did it. All these years spent cramming my maw full of fried mozzarella sticks (this is not a tale I’m telling — lookit me last Superbowl Sunday, when this blog was but a glimmer in my groin or whatever) and forever feeling like something was missing. There was a hole that needed to be filled with flavor, a weeping wound begging for a salty salve. Leave...
Recipe four: Dirty Bird Sketti
Fieri Foods are inspired by lots of things: shirts with flames on them, L’Oreal Feria #110, shirts with dice on them, sunglasses, Sammy Hagars (so excited to eventually make Red Rocker Margarita Chicken, but someone should really tell Sammy his nickname makes him sound like a dog dick). Dirty Bird Sketti is so much more specific. Guy says, ”Cookin’, jammin’ the tunes, and...
TASTE TEST: Guy's line of sauces. Which I found at...
I’m kinda-sorta between jobs right now, which is great because it means I have even more time than usual to hang out at discount stores, and peruse dented canned goods and almost-expired condiments. I’m sorry. Did I say condiments? I meant FOOD LUBES. Oh, no, but that’s so gross. Well, I don’t make sexually suggestive names for food items, I just play by them. Guy really...
Recipe three: No Can Beato This Taquito
“Texture. Character. Dignity.” Qualities I demand in my food. And my Guy Fieris — “texture” refers specifically to his facial hair. Fine, all of them refer to his facial hair. These are also qualities Guy believes should be possessed by taquitos. Not just any taquitos. TAQUITOS THAT NO ONE CAN BEATO. Ha, alright. Stop it. Stop laughing. Alright, already. I mean...
Recipe two: Cheddar Trans-Porter Soup
In the introduction to the “Soups” section of his cookbook, Guy says, “Soup to me is a bit like pizza. When it’s good it’s really great, and when it’s bad it’s still kind of good … I’ll happily eat a piping hot bowl on a hot day.” I’LL BET YOU WILL. With your bare hands. And why the fuck isn’t there a recipe for pizza soup?...
Recipe one: the Garlic-Onion Tortilla Stack
Have you ever looked at a cake and been, like, “I would be much more interested in consuming that cake if it was made out of tortillas and a slippery concoction of onions and garlic and mayonnaise?” I’m sorry. Have you ever looked at a cake and NOT thought you’d be more interested in it if it was a slippery-slappity stack of tortillas and onions and garlic and mayonaise?...
The Gwynedd/Guy Project
The Book: “Guy Fieri Food: Cookin’ it. Livin’ it. Lovin’ it.” First edition, 2011. Ann Volkwein and, of course, Guy Fieri. The book that launched a blog (this one!) and made more money for a chef who was already a celebrity and had lots of it. On his program “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives,” Guy Fieri — pronounced “FEE-eddy” — has fostered our love of greasy spoons and greasy bleach-blonde goatees....