You know, I love anthropomorphized animals as much as the next guy. Have you SEEN “Beverly Hills Chihuahua?” Well, neither have I and don’t you fucking dare tell anyone I have. “Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3” was pretty funny, though. And it’s out on video now! (This post is sponsored by Mexican stereotypes, George Lopez, and Mexican stereotypes perpetuated by George Lopez.)
Why oh why, though, are anthropomorphized pigs forever behaving like cannibals? If I’ve seen one pig in a chef hat endorsing the consumption of pork, I’ve seen a least a handful of pigs in chef hats condorsing the ensumption of clark. I’m drunk. With rage. Anyway, the artist who drew the drawings in Guy Fieri’s cookbook is all too happy to promote the myth that pigs are capable of preparing foods made of pigs. You’d think Guy Fieri, of all people, would be more sensitive to their plight IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN (I mean he’s pig-like).
In protest, I made Guy’s Ginger Pork Potstickers with ground turkey instead. And because it’s healthier. And also because I already had ground turkey in my refrigerator. But mostly in protest.
So here are the ingredients … modified thanks to a trip to the “Jennie-O Turkey Store.” I’m so glad that’s not an actual place …
All of the items with bright green price tags came from Joong Boo Asian Market on Kimball Avenue here in Chicago, where they also sell a type of produce that looks very much like the creatures in “Tremors.” (This is where I start finding ways to work Fred Ward films into all my blog posts.)
Here’s the filling. I’m really impressed by the vegetable to meat ratio. A lot of restraint, Guy.
Then I made this. The step-by-step photo tutorial in the book was helpful if distracting, what with the sheer number of accessories Guy wears below his elbows. Including, but not limited to, a thumb ring.
Guy says he likes making Japanese foods like these because it’s done at a “focused pace” and because it’s a “very calming experience.” I made eight of these and couldn’t wait to slap my sweaty palms around the wheel of a bright yellow Lamborghini.
After being stuck in a pot of boiling water, the pot stickers are stuck in a pan of oil. Shut up about the one on the left.
I splurged on potsticker sauce from Joong Boo. A sad, yellow Peeping Tom who lives in my kitchen thinks it’s for her but she’s so wrong.
I ate all eight of these. Stick a pork in me, I’m done. I quit.