Gwynedd & Guy

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Recipe ten: Pork-Oulet

If you’re like me and most other good Americans who still think references to the early aughts are funny, you don’t trust things that are overtly French. This includes most art, many wines, several million people, and myriad food items. Haricot vert? Surely you mean green beans. (I’m with this guy, my new favorite guy — Fieri notwithstanding.) Cassoulet? A stew so French-sounding it might as well be made with hunks of Gerard Depardieu’s nose. In fact, how are we to know it isn’t? Enter Guy Fieri on a motorcycle built from the bones of deceased Playboy playmates …

See, even though most traditional cassoulet recipes include pork products — sausages, skins, etc. — Guy thought it best to just g’head and throw the word “pork” in the name to avoid any confusion. 

"If it’s sunny out, get ready to put on sunscreen," Guy writes. "And if it’s cloudy in Nor Cal, get out the pork-oulet ingredients." And proceed to slather them on your flesh? I don’t know. Oh, look, here are those ingredients now … 

I couldn’t find the pork butts at my local Jewel grocery store, so I asked the lady behind the butcher counter if they had pork butts and she was like, “Shit yeah, we do and then she gave me a thing called pork shoulders and it was very cheap, so I didn’t ask questions. Cheaper than Depardieu nose. 

Don’t call it a mirepoix …

I tucked my penis between my legs and wore a wig of lady hair while I peeled the skin from these chicken thighs …

I really had my way with this recipe. I halved the pork and doubled the chicken. Also, I added lots of fresh tarragon because I think it’s good when things taste good. Listen. I know we have lots of fun making fun and that’s great, but this really did taste good. Mostly I just like the name. 

Ten down, 140 to go.

Filed under pork-oulet cassoulet guy fieri gerard depardieu

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